Don’t Be In Two Places At Once

Anthony Valletta (00:00)
I would look at your life as return on time, not just investment. people think about, I got to invest time in the business to get the return there. The one thing we can’t make more of is time.

your kids are going to grow whether you want them to or not. And you never want to miss the opportunity to be a part of that.

Kevin Rice (00:12)
Welcome back to CEOs and ABCs. My guest today is Anthony Valletta. Anthony has spent two decades in hospitality from Michelin Star dining rooms to fast casuals.

Now he’s the CEO of BarTaco, where he leads with a very simple filter for every decision. Does this make the guest feel like we’re thinking about them first? And he brings that same hospitality thinking home in how he intentionally makes time to be present with his kids.

In this episode, Anthony talks about the realities of a job that had him living in hotels 240 nights a year, missing his oldest son’s first steps, and coming home to a five-year-old who no longer ran to hug him. He shares the moment he chose to prioritize his family over his career and rebuild connection one calendar block at a time. This is a conversation about career ambition while still choosing your family in the small moments over and over.

Anthony Valletta (00:59)
if I’m going to choose to either be at work or at home be in that moment and don’t try to be in two places at once.

Kevin Rice (01:18)
Welcome back to CEOs and ABCs. My guest today is Anthony Valletta. Anthony, thank you so much for being here today.

Anthony Valletta (01:24)
Pleasure to be here. Thanks for having me, Kevin.

Kevin Rice (01:27)
it’s great to meet you. I’m familiar with the company that you are the leader of right now, so I’m really excited to to be on with you today. you’ve had this awesome career in the hospitality industry. ⁓ today you’re the CEO of BarTaco. So I’d love for you to share with the audience how did you get here? Not necessarily just

chapter by chapter, ⁓ job by job, but what did you focus on? what do you attribute this really successful career that you’ve had to?

Anthony Valletta (01:53)
Yeah, I mean, I got struck with the hospitality bug early on and kind of never, never let it go. I always joke that the industry is like a cast of rejects from other industries that came together and did something fun. I’m one of the crazy ones that did it forever. And I think just throughout my career, every move I’ve made, there was a strategy behind it. Like I wanted a new challenge. So I’ve done everything from Michelin dining to QSRs and everything in between.

But I always wanted to find what was the next way to really apply the skills I’ve learned, the challenge I’ve learned, expand my knowledge. I want to kind always be a steward of the industry and always learning. So each position was a new challenge. And I got to the Bartaco and it just felt like this culmination of everything I’ve done in my career. I can pull from each job I’ve had going way back to when I was a kid. I think that’s been the most fun part about it. I think that’s why I’ve had…

relative success, I’d like to say at least, as running this company. So it’s been a fun and challenging journey for sure. Lots of knee scraping, but lots of ways to celebrate along the way as well.

Kevin Rice (02:56)
Amazing. I’ve heard a lot of different takes on this, but as a CEO, with that specific title, what do you think are some of the traits or skills that are important for you or for anybody else in this role to be successful?

Anthony Valletta (03:09)
You know, that’s a great question. I don’t think there’s one or two specific things because there’s so many different types of CEOs. There’s innovative CEOs, there are operators, there’s growers, there’s things of different nature. But I think the one thing that’s important is, it sounds somewhat generic when you think about problem solving, but typically the problems that get brought to the CEO are ones that no one else can figure out. Right? So you have to have an openness to new thoughts and new ideas. You have to really make sure that

You can communicate and advocate for your vision and get people motivated. that’s really important as a CEO is people need to believe in what you’re selling. and that’s not very easy necessarily to do and everyone does it in their own manner. So I think like communications, relationships, and creative problem solving are all really important no matter what type of CEO you are. But I’ve been fortunate enough to be around a lot of amazing CEOs and in my industry and outside the industry. And it’s never one thing I’m like,

That’s a must. I meet somebody that just is totally different and does it phenomenally well. So I think that’s the great part about being in this position is you can really bring your true self and what you’re good at and double down on that. So long as your team is behind you, they can get a lot done no matter what those qualities might be.

Kevin Rice (04:21)
Yeah. honestly that was probably my favorite part. So I was the president CMO of Hathaway restaurant technology consulting firm. And I think having people bring their really tough challenges and then being able to work through it and help give them guidance and feedback, but not try to spoon feed the solution to them, that was like probably my favorite part of it too.

Anthony Valletta (04:41)
Yeah, it’s a blast. There’s a book called The Motive by Patrick Lincione that anybody that ever wants to get promoted, I give to them. it’s summary is like there’s two CEOs that merge and both of them think they should be the CEO of said new company. And one guy is like, well, that’s just a natural step. Like I should do that. And the other one’s like, I want to do it because I want to help people solve the bigger problems. no surprise which guy gets it, but it was more of understanding the place and really what you want to do. So your point.

You enjoyed giving those opportunities to be able to kind of solve those challenges. And I think at any level of executive, that’s the key. You have to really enjoy that. If you want to be handed a playbook and just execute it, you’re in the wrong job.

Kevin Rice (05:20)
Yeah. one of the things I had to really dig into was to understand why do I like that so much? And what I kind of found was ultimately I liked it because I would get a lot of external validation. Right. So there would be problems that would come to me and I’d help them solve the problem and then I’d get all of this kudos and feedback and

thank yous for for working through these things. and then I’d go home and I’d get none of that from my kids. And and then what that did was that kind of reinforced this loop of I love this external validation. So I’m gonna go back to work and spend more time here instead of being at home where my kids are like not ⁓ you know, showing gratitude and appreciation.

Anthony Valletta (05:46)
You

Right.

Yeah, not that way.

Yeah, yeah, it becomes a little bit of a drug to an extent, right? Because you know hard work pays off, there’s a reward, you see it numbers, and all of a sudden it becomes this, it fuels the energy. And at home, you’ve to enough energy there to be able to deplete it at home to bring it back up again.

Kevin Rice (06:17)
are there any leadership skills and traits that you still get tripped up on?

Anthony Valletta (06:20)
I think the one thing I trip up on a lot is I’m not a big fan of titles. I think they serve form over function in a certain aspect and I’ve never chased a title in my career. and I know why people sometimes do, but because of that and because I like to be talking to people on a level playing field, I don’t care if I’m talking to a server or a general manager or my CFO. I try to talk them all the same way and be approachable and understand their perspective.

And I oftentimes forget about the power of the position. Like when I’m talking to a server, I’m just like, oh, we’re just chatting. And I forget on the other side, they’re like, oh dear God, I’m talking to the CEO. Like, you know, there’s that frantic fear of, I don’t want to say something wrong. Like I can’t believe I’m talking to them. And I never ever acknowledged that. And it’s, it’s hurt me in a couple of ways where I, I take someone’s like, oh, you know, I was talking to Kevin, well, you know, it was great. We had this conversation.

Kevin Rice (06:48)
Mm.

Anthony Valletta (07:12)
Kevin was petrified. He ran away from you afterwards. was like, oh my God, I don’t think I just had word vomit to the CEO. And I underestimate the power of that position because I try to just be an everyday approachable guy and not just some people sit in their ivory tower and point and shoot. I’d rather get down and understand the weeds of what my team is doing. But that doesn’t always work. It sounds great on my side of the table. It’s very hard on the other side of the table.

Kevin Rice (07:14)
Yeah.

Yeah, I get that. there’s merit to that approach, right? It allows people to feel more comfortable with you and like maybe you’re gonna get some really good feedback from the frontlines. but at the same time, it is a double edged sword. where I fell into that exact trap was I’d be in meetings and I’d be making just suggestions.

Anthony Valletta (07:40)
Yeah,

Kevin Rice (07:57)
And then those like soft suggestions became hard requirements. And I had to realize that yeah, it it came with the title. and that started to kind of throw off some of the meetings I was in. And I really had to step out of the meetings because I knew that I it would be really hard for me not to give some sort of feedback.

Anthony Valletta (08:02)
Respect.

Yeah, yeah, I know the feeling.

Kevin Rice (08:18)
so I had the pleasure of working in the restaurant industry for a while too. and I like your perspective around having a true guest first operation. And I read online about a filter that you use of does this decision make the guest feel like we’re really thinking about them first?

Can you elaborate on that and describe what does that actually mean in practice?

Anthony Valletta (08:41)
Yeah, I mean, there’s so many things about the restaurant business. It’s a million different levers that are pulled, you know, hopefully in perfect order. And there’s a lot of tough decisions in a very low margin business that you have to make. And a lot of times people make decisions that are better for investors than they are for the guests, or better for our staff than they are for the guests. And I believe that we serve three people. We serve our guests, our staff, and our investors. Those are the three.

But if you’re not a guest first business, the easy response is without revenue on the top of your P &L, there is no business, right? So I don’t care what anybody says, you have to be guest first just to run the business. But the filtration piece is really we’ll talk about anything from a new point of sale system to a new way to greet a table to a new plate. It could be anything. And the ultimate question is

does it improve the guest experience? And if the answer is no, then you just don’t do it because why are you bothering then? That is the ultimate thing you’re going after. And if the question is, you know, I think it does, okay, what do we think? And then how do we prove that? Because what I find so often, and I don’t just see it in the restaurant business, I see it in a lot of businesses, that people tend to project your own feelings based off reading some customer sentiment reviews.

that, this must be what they’re saying. And then I start to believe my own story. So I say, well, I don’t think the guests like that dish at all. We should get rid of it, take it off the menu. And it makes sense on paper. We think, well, is that what the guest wants? Let’s go ask them. And then when you go ask the guest, it’s like, no, we absolutely love it. It’s fantastic. Don’t take it off. We just don’t order as much because of X, Y, and Z. And you actually start understanding the real reason behind. And it’s amazing. We serve hundreds of thousands of people.

And yet we rarely ask them for specific feedback. We let them tell us. And every guest in the world, if you ask them a question, they’d say we want, more menu items and lower prices and it’s the same no matter where you go. But when you start getting specific and really saying like, is this something that’s best for our guests? Something the guest actually wants? And if all of your decisions run around that, you’re a guest for his business. And if the guest is first, the rest of the business, I don’t want say it’s easy, but it’s much easier.

Because if the guests are happy, they come back more, they spend more money. You have some money to play with to figure out the rest of your organization. So we do that. a lot of people in the industry say like, we’re employee first. And I commend them for saying that. And I disagree with them because you really put the employee before the guest. Again, if you have no revenue, how can you take care of your employee? I want my staff to be happy. I want them to well taken care of. And we do a lot of things in that regard. But if it’s between making the guests happy and the employee happy,

Seven days a week is the guest. ⁓

Kevin Rice (11:25)
Yeah. Yeah. We’ve we’ve got a mutual friend in Brandon Coleman, who

was on the show ⁓ a while ago and he talked about kind of there’s, guests, there’s employees, and then there’s business, and and any decision they would make, he would kind of rate it of red, yellow, green in each of those categories. And it had to be at least two greens for it to be a go decision. So kind of I see some similarities there and how you’re kind of thinking about balancing the pillars of the organization.

Anthony Valletta (11:52)
Yeah.

Kevin Rice (11:52)
so coming from this illustrious like long career in the hospitality space, how does that hospitality thinking show up for you or carry into your personal life or with your family at home?

Anthony Valletta (12:07)
I think hospitality is in your blood. So it shows up everywhere. We host all the time. We try to be gracious about events that we go to, things that we receive. go out to eat, really understanding that there’s a lot of hardworking people behind it. it shows up everywhere. I mean, it’s just part of who I am. My kids

assess restaurants, they’re 11, nine, and six, and my oldest thinks he’s like this chef extraordinaire of like, this needs more salt and that needs more lime. But it’s great. But they understand the hard work that goes into it. to me, they’re two in the same. Sometimes people have the business hat and then it comes off and there’s the home hat. I think it transits across the board. again, if hospitality is something that you really love and enjoy, you do it all the time. So we’re always hosting people. If we’re going somewhere, we’re bringing hosting gifts.

You know, constantly talking about food and beverage and experiences and we do them with my kids and you know, my kids like sit around their favorite plates and certain dishes and like cooking with me at home, my wife at home and all those things, I think just go hand in hand. So I think to me, they’re literally two in the same.

Kevin Rice (13:11)
Yeah. Tell us a little bit more about your family. So I know you said you have three kids, your oldest is into cooking, I know your daughter is into gymnastics. Yeah, tell tell us a little bit more about your family.

Anthony Valletta (13:15)
Yeah.

Yeah, so I’ve got I get three kids boy, girl, boy, Gavin, Ava and Colin. They’re 11, nine and six. They are unbelievable. Each each are very like much their own person, which I love. My oldest is a insane lacrosse player, like four different teams and all year long and like all athletes. And he’s becoming a little bit of a foodie in his own regard, I guess. My daughter is gymnastics, lacrosse, soccer. Same thing, just nonstop.

And my youngest guy’s like a typical third kid, like just goes to the flow, wants to do every sport possible, everything he can. He gets carted around his entire life to activities for the older two and finally is getting his chance at redemption. now he’s doing his teams. Like everyone’s going to come watch me now because I’ve been watching them for six years. But it’s great. I mean, they provide a great dynamic. They keep us crazy busy. My wife is a saint and keeps everything like in check at home and schedules taken care of.

It’s the best chaos I could ever ask for.

Kevin Rice (14:17)
That’s amazing. Yeah. For some reason my kids never got into sports. And it was such a a strange thing for me because I grew up just playing all the sports. That’s all I did. I was always outside playing basketball or football. And my kids just never got the bug to play traditional sports. And I thought this was how we were gonna bond together. but they kind of shifted into more alternative sports. So we do a lot of rock climbing and surfing.

Anthony Valletta (14:34)
You

Awesome.

Kevin Rice (14:41)
⁓

hiking, stuff like that. But but yeah, I pushed them pretty hard to get into like soccer and basketball. And eventually I just had to kind of accept that this just isn’t their thing.

Anthony Valletta (14:51)
What was it happening?

the big thing I worry about, my son and my daughter it’s all year and it’s pretty intense. It’s like, hear about burnout and I always fear that. Like the point of a sport at 11 and 9 years old is to have fun. it’s always the thing we’ll ask him, both my wife and I is like, are you having fun? Are you enjoying it? it’s always been yes, thank God so far.

But if the answer becomes no, we don’t want them at a young age to lose the enjoyment. And think there’s a lot of good life lessons you learn from playing sports or playing an instrument or whatever it may be, whatever that kind of escape component is. But they just keep jumping into it. my little guy’s like, I want to play every sport. He’s like, can I do this? I want to do this. I want do this. I was like, it’s great. I love the fact that he’s excited about it. And we do our best to embrace as much of it as possible.

Kevin Rice (15:38)
That’s awesome. Have you been able to participate in coaching or assistant coaching or anything like that?

Anthony Valletta (15:42)
Sure have, I’ve coached every one of my kids at multiple sports. So it’s been, I absolutely love it. It’s tough to manage obviously, but it’s amazing times. And my little guy was the hardest one to be able to coach, because everyone’s schedules are so nuts. But I didn’t want him to feel like he was shortchanged being a third kid. So I’m coaching him in football, I’m coaching him in lacrosse, I coached him in soccer. So I’m just doubling down on it, but it’s amazing, I think.

you know, the time I get with my kids to have them look at me in a little bit of a different light. I’m not dad in the field, I’m coach and understand that dynamic, which sometimes is good, sometimes is not. You really enjoy it. I try to get to as many events as possible. I push that of my team as well. our lives are crazy. We’re working our tails off, but there’s only so many times you’re going to see, your kids compete or your kids play

Kevin Rice (16:18)
yes.

Anthony Valletta (16:34)
and you don’t want to miss those moments because they’ll be gone in the blink of an eye.

Kevin Rice (16:38)
Yeah. I actually think coaching is a great representation of part of the role of a parent, right? a conscious coaching type is how I try to operate with my kids. that’s kind of how I think about like who I am in relation to them on a day to day basis is I’m here, I’m connected with you, but I’m also here to guide you and coach you. So

Part of that is to be your friend. A lot of it is to help raise you and prepare you for going off into the world in ten years.

Anthony Valletta (17:05)
Yeah, I think you’re 100 % right. think there’s a transit piece there. I will say like coaching, especially six year olds, when you put them in full pads and give them a lacrosse stick. So you can imagine what that looks like the first time. It teaches me even self about being a CEO, like patience and leadership and understanding, how energy can shift and how much like a distraction can really take you away from what you’re trying to do. like, there’s, I’ve enjoyed coaching the most.

Kevin Rice (17:14)
Yeah.

Anthony Valletta (17:34)
because of that, I’ve learned so much about how to show up better at home, how to show up better at work, how to understand myself and where my levers are that might get my patience worn thin. It’s really been fascinating. the best compliments I get are parents come to me like, my God, this is incredible. I love my kid being able to play on this team. And to me, that it’s about letting them have fun, right? And to your point, coaching them up both as a person and as an athlete, it definitely translates to

how you get your kids ready for life in general. There’s a lot of life lessons in playing sports.

Kevin Rice (18:05)
That’s really meaningful.

With all of this, coaching, parenting, being, a CEO, have you have you been through phases where you felt the demands of your career were kind of taking too much away from you and your family? And what impact did that have on you, if any?

Anthony Valletta (18:20)
Yeah, 1000%. Two jobs ago, I was a COO for a Michelin chef out of San Francisco. I was living in Boston. And my oldest was, I think he was five-ish, and my daughter was three, and my youngest was not born yet. And I was traveling an inordinate amount Marriott had me 240 plus days in a hotel. I would be gone for a month at a time and not see my family.

I’d come home for two to three days to unpack and basically repack. I look back now and it was a single man’s job. It was not a job of a guy, know, the growing family. My wife had an amazing career and she sacrificed that career to stay at home with the kids because she couldn’t manage her job and the kids. And she’s been an incredible stay at home mother and is so phenomenal at it and loves it that she hasn’t gone back, which we’re so thankful for having the opportunity to do that. But during that time, I remember coming back from…

trip and as a five-year-old, I took for granted how smart he really was. I mean that more on like the emotional side. I would come back from a month and I would be so excited to see my family and my son started to kind of give a little bit of a cold shoulder. My daughter at three was still, dad’s here, it’s a hug and the EQ wasn’t there yet but I underestimated what a young age kids start to develop that side of their brain and it was painful.

to come back and I missed his first steps and to have him not feel like his dad is here and it should be exciting was really, really hard. And I remember, trips where I was literally on the verge of tears walking out of my own house trying to go to work. But the business demands needed my presence. I needed to be there physically. about two years in, I just said to…

the guy I was working for it’s not working out for me. You know, I got to put my family first here. And it was the best decision I could have made. I fear so much, like what would have happened had I had continued down that path. And fortunately we shifted jobs and I moved to the wrong spot, which got me to Connecticut, but I moved to a job that I didn’t travel at all, which was like the other end of the spectrum. So to go from being away so much to being home every day.

It was where I was like, wait a second, this is also weird. So I I’ve found this great balance now of, I’m home, a good chunk, I need to be home. And when I travel, you know, there’s a good system that we have down. So finally found a good balance, but it was an amazing time professionally in my life. I learned a lot and it was great to work with someone so talented, but man, it was a dark place personally, that’s for sure.

Kevin Rice (20:56)
Yeah. I can relate. I have very vivid memory of coming home from only like a four day trip, right? And my son was probably three and a half or four at the time. And I came in so excited to see him. And it was just kind of like, hey, dad. It’s like, wait a minute, like I was look I was expecting you to run over and give me a big hug. But the other thing that I noticed from being away and having that kind of disconnection was it made it really hard for me to step back in.

To a parenting role because there wasn’t connection. So why are they gonna listen? why would he listen to me when I’m telling him, it’s time for bedtime, brush your teeth, we’re gonna read books? when there’s no connection, he didn’t want to listen to me. And it made it really hard to step back into my parenting role.

Anthony Valletta (21:41)
Yeah, I I found it tougher to go in and discipline. And that was unfair. It was unfair to my wife. And in hindsight I didn’t want to discipline because I only had a short time back with them. So I got to be the fun one. Everybody’s excited. But then my wife, meanwhile, is building good habits in our kids and the discipline their kids and setting boundaries. And when I come in, shake it up for three days and then hit the road, it was really unfair looking back to her.

Kevin Rice (21:45)
Y yes.

Anthony Valletta (22:07)
But it was hard, right? And then when you do discipline, my patience was even thinner because I didn’t see the progress. I’m like, why are you doing that? And I don’t think I ever showed up going back to our comment, as a coaching parent for a very long time during that period. think I learned a lot more as I got more time with them. And my youngest was born after I left that job and I got to see him really from, born to grow where he is today. I saw all the phases more.

There was a round more where I missed a lot of that with my other two. I think that really helped me, show up better as a parent, show better as a husband. But it was, yeah, was a tough time. It’s not easy.

Kevin Rice (22:47)
Yeah, no, that’s really commendable of you to recognize the strain that that would put on your your wife, right? Because you’re almost like the Disneyland dad, where it’s like the time you do have, you wanna take him out for for fun. And yeah, that’s that’s really tough for her to continue to tow the line. but I I get it. I was a single parent at the time. So

Anthony Valletta (22:56)
Yeah.

Kevin Rice (23:09)
I didn’t have anybody giving me that sort of feedback of saying, you’re not showing up how our family needs you to show up. And when you talk about discipline, I think discipline’s kind of tough for somebody who’s been in an executive role for a long time, or at least I’ll speak for myself, right? I’d go to work and if I had to make a call, I’d be like, Okay, this is the call we’re gonna make. This is what we’re gonna do. And people would just be like, Okay, I respect your title. I’m gonna do this. And then I’d come home.

Anthony Valletta (23:34)
Right.

Kevin Rice (23:36)
especially after being gone for four or five days and my kids would push back. They’d be like, I’m not gonna listen to you. And then I’d have to like, you know, turn like I was just so used to being able to give direction and have people follow it. And then, you know, you’ve got these little miniature humans who just don’t respect that at all. And then I would try to discipline them, which we’ve changed the meaning of discipline, in our culture.

Anthony Valletta (23:53)
Yeah.

Kevin Rice (24:01)
Discipline in our culture is kind of like just to punish, right? The actual word discipline is about teaching. And I had to really learn how to connect before I correct.

But yeah, it was really tough when I was gone and I was shifting from executive mode to parenting mode. took a lot of time to get there.

Anthony Valletta (24:17)
Yeah, it’s hard. I kind of joke is the CEO at work, but I’m not at home. Like my wife is the CEO at home because she’s got the kids and she’s got their schedule and she’s got the livelihood and their friends. it’s when you’re wired like that at work, it’s to your point, it’s very hard to turn that part off and realize yeah, to your point, if I can have a debate with somebody at work, but I say ultimately this is what I want.

Like the buck stops here, right? So they have to kind of fall in line, say it at home. It’s like, no, that doesn’t work that way. You can’t say no. Well, I’m going to tell you now. Um, and that’s always the hardest thing. And kids like to push limits. And I think, again, not, not seeing the, the, the growth of them were like that no phase comes in or there’s, just kind of being defined, learning the boundaries to me. was like, God, how disrespectful, like, what are you doing? And then

You think maybe the system is broken. I can insert myself and you show us it’s part of growth. that’s my little guy, my third guy is incredible and my little buddy, but he likes to push the boundaries for attention because he’s a third kid. So for him being defiant, I think it’s just his way of being like, I’m not getting the attention I want and I’m going to find a way to get it. And I know how to poke you like, because most people aren’t used to that. So but I think it’s transitive too, right? Like you want

You want them to say no because they want to learn how you can better connect to your point. And I think it’s the same thing translating back to work is if you have some of your teammates willing to speak to you as candidly and as freely as your kids are, sometimes that’s great because they feel comfortable. I think kids do speak that way because there is a comfort. see all these articles about kids lash out at you or speak out at you and they don’t at school. They’re a great kid and they’re great because they have that trust and they need the outlet.

Kevin Rice (25:57)
Yes.

Anthony Valletta (26:05)
I think it’s the same thing at work. Like if there’s not a forum of an outlet at work, people have to go somewhere to exhaust that. if we can create that same kind of, I guess, confidence that our kids might have to push back on us at work, I think it would be that much better of an environment.

Kevin Rice (26:06)
Yes.

Yeah, no, that’s a great, great comment ⁓ and great point about like kind of how you see it at at home and at work. One of the things I did when I was so I I became a single parent. I was trying to figure it out. I was like, none of this parenting stuff comes naturally to me. So I really leaned on like what I had learned over my like 15 years of being a leader and leading an organization and tried to figure out how to apply that to my family life because that was just like the language I knew.

And so I wrote a job description for my kids. And one of the things was is your job is to push back and your job is to like boundaries because that’s how you learn. And yeah, it might be difficult. These behaviors are going to be challenging for me in the moment, but that’s also part of my job is to mature emotionally so that I can handle the discomfort that the kids are going to be doing in their job. It’s like putting it down on paper and saying, like, here’s your job, here’s my job is actually really helpful for me.

Anthony Valletta (27:18)
Yeah, I like that. JavaScript’s in for the kids. ⁓ That’s a fun one.

Kevin Rice (27:23)
Although that might be too much of being the CEO at home instead of taking one hat off and putting on the other hat. hindsight’s really helpful, right? if you were looking back, was there any decisions you made in your career that you would have handled differently if you had kept your kids or your family more in mind at the time?

Anthony Valletta (27:30)
Yeah.

I mean, yeah, there’s a million things. and as much as I go back and say, change them, the only reason I would is to make sure I was there for the important memories that I did miss. That’s a, that’s a travel component. But the reason why I wouldn’t is I think, I don’t really believe in regrets. think everything happens in a moment for a reason to make a decision, but it made me who I was today. And don’t think I would realize.

as much of the things I was either missing and being more present for my family or not. I think I’d have to learn them at some point, whether it was now or later. And I’d rather learn them early on. And I think I learned a lot of really hard lessons early on from a multitude of things, whether it’s my parents, my wife, my kids, all of the above. It’s tough love, but I think it made me who I am today. And I feel like I’ve got…

Kevin Rice (28:14)
Yeah.

Anthony Valletta (28:28)
great career and a great family and a great balance and I don’t think I would have gotten here at this point had I had not made those mistakes or those decisions over my 20 year career.

Kevin Rice (28:40)
Yeah. I think a lot of people are just kind of wondering, can I have this and maybe balance isn’t the right word, but can I have the style of life that you have earlier in my career? could I be coaching earlier in my career or do I need to continue to push, get to a point of success, and then I can have the balance? That was the process I went through I worked really, really hard, traveled, eighty hour weeks.

I was highly focused on productivity, but then ended up disconnecting from my kids and then found my way back to a more normalized, integrated life between career and family. And I I still wouldn’t say it’s balanced, but I would say it’s more about intentionality and presence. So today what I try to do is really show up with the same intentionality in my family life that I do in my, career and my work life.

but think a lot of people are thinking, I’m younger in my career. Is this just my working time? Do I need to push really hard to get to that point and then I can balance it out? what’s your perspective on that?

Anthony Valletta (29:42)
Yeah, it’s a great question. think from what I went through in my career, I don’t think it is a working time. think we make it as such. early on before you’ve got married and kids, you can work a ton and play when you want to play. And you start to see some early momentum. So you say, well, that’s what got me from point A to point B. So point B to point C should probably be more of the same, if not a little bit harder but B to C is you get married and maybe you have kids

you just think I’m just going to keep adding to the plate. And I think at least in my life,

having someone that you work for that values the same thing that you value is really important. I’ve worked for some amazing leaders, but I worked for leaders that didn’t have kids or weren’t married or their family life was very different or wasn’t a priority to them. And so I started to emulate the performance and they didn’t fully understand that me getting home early enough one extra night to tuck my kids in was really valuable. So therefore it didn’t matter.

And I just had a conversation just this past week, my head of operations had a personal trip plan, same week every year they go. And we had our mid-year meeting and it was right in the middle of it. And she called and she said, I’m going to fly down for the day. I’ll be back the next day with the kids, And I said, I don’t want to see you at the meeting. And I want you to realize that based off the age of your girls, you have about eight more of these trips left in your life.

Is it really worth a one day meeting for you to come? I push my CFO, him and I work our tails off. I’m like, he has amazing athletes for daughters. It’s like, you need to be at these events. I want you to go to the events. I don’t want you to miss these things. I think when you work in an environment that makes that important, because they know how hard we’re working, I think that’s more important than putting the working time. Because then you recognize that I don’t have to just work 80 hours a week to get where want.

Some jobs expect that, I don’t think our industry is required to do it. I think you have to work really smart and it’s not necessarily as hard and it requires discipline to your point. I had amazing mentors and amazing bosses in my career, but I never had one that talked to me about that. I never one that like held me accountable to like, Hey, you’re coaching your son this weekend, right? I want the phone off. Never just

Kevin Rice (31:56)
Yeah.

Anthony Valletta (31:58)
never existed in my life. So to me, I thought, well, that’s just not important. That’s not how you grow. And I’m trying to do my best as a CEO to push my team, like, hey, we’re going to work hard and get results, but you’ve got to make sure that your family feels you at home, has you when they need you.

Kevin Rice (32:16)
Yeah,

that’s a really unique and powerful message. how do you reinforce that with your own behaviors? ‘Cause right, it’s one thing to tell them you should prioritize being present when you’re with your family. how do they see you show up in the same way?

Anthony Valletta (32:31)
Um, I need to drink more mountain Kool-Aid like we all do. I could definitely be better, but I really try to do my best to prioritize the things that are really important to my kids, whether that’s, a school event or a sports game or a competition or just a date night with my wife. it’s a trade-off, right? Every, every yes is a no. So if I say yes to something, taking a work trip, it’s a no to, coaching my kid that night or whatever it may be. So.

I can always do a better job. It’s just, it is very hard. It’s like that magnetic pull. but I really tried to work hard on being like omnipresent and just say,

if I’m going to choose to either be at work or at home or wherever I am, be in that moment and don’t try to be in two places at once. And that’s something I have to constantly remind myself

of because it’s one thing to be with your kids, but if you’re on a work call or on email,

they see that, right? That’s not going to be that work and being on whether it’s Zoom or a call, but your kids are running there is integration component, right? That I think is really important, but you also have to say like, hey, if it’s something that’s vital, all of myself needs to be here. And I still have a ways to go, but that’s what I try to do it in practice. And I think the benefit is, you have to ask them, but I think most of my team,

does see me as he’s a good dad, he’s a good husband. And that’s important for me is to make sure they see it’s possible to do those things and still run a successful company. Not easy and never perfect, but always trying.

Kevin Rice (34:00)
Yeah, absolutely. we’re always learning and growing and nobody is perfect. but I think you’re setting a fantastic example for your own company and hopefully everybody that’s watching this.

what’s a typical week look like for you now? how do you structure weeks? how do you prioritize work and family? how do they sit in in relation to each other?

Anthony Valletta (34:38)
Yeah, my calendars are synced. So all of my family stuff is on my work calendar. There is no typical week other than chaos for me. That’s why I love the industry, honestly. It’s like no two days really are the same, which is what I enjoy. I travel a lot midweek for work. Mondays typically an admin home day, trying to get everything done.

traveling midweek, seeing restaurants or real estate, may be. that’s, my kids are usually very busy midweek. So it’s kind of like, even if I was home, I’d be helping my wife out in terms of carpooling and stuff, but I’m not getting a lot of kid time during those moments. And then Fridays is wrapping the week up and then we’re right into the 9 million events that we have every weekend.

my wife writes a schedule every week and it’s like, okay, you’re here and then I’m here and you’re going here and then we’re gonna fly. And it’s just crazy. So there’s nothing that’s consistent in the fact that like life is chaotic and I love it. But it allows you in those moments that you do have like the other night after a crazy day, know, wife and I get that time to sit in the couch and have a cocktail together. it’s not that we say much or talk about much or TV could be on, but it’s more just

There’s a decompression moment. It’s our time. That’s one thing we try to make consistent is like, whether it’s the end of the night or drink midday or just hanging out, like that we try to at least find those quiet moments to still connect.

Kevin Rice (35:58)
Yeah. so you have obviously a lot going on, right? And like how do you keep your own cup full? Like what do you focus on to make sure your own physical and mental and like emotional health is a priority?

Anthony Valletta (36:10)
Yeah, I mean, it’s a great question. I try to balance the best I can. when I’m in a good routine, I’m up in the morning and able to work out and focus on my physical mental health in the morning before mostly board up. And then when the kids are up, I get some time with them before I start my workday. my calendar, looks like reading rainbow, like everything’s color coded and all the colors mean something in, you know, red.

means don’t ever touch and leave that there and that’s high priority and yellow is like, you probably shouldn’t move that one. And then green is like, can do whatever you want with these, it’s fine. But I think that’s really, like I’m really, really disciplined with my calendar and again, they’re integrated and I brought in the EA this year to help me as well. And that’s the big thing is everything on my calendar is very intentional. and I booked so far out.

So like my wife always jokes, oh, you can have lunch at work, but you can’t lunch with me. I’m like, well, lunch has been planned for six weeks. impromptu doesn’t work well on my calendar because there’s so much going on. but I’m just, really, really regimented about it. and I always, delete my entire calendar every three months and repopulate it and really reassess everything that’s from what my kids are doing to what I’m doing. It’s like,

Do I need that call? Do I need that frequently? Do I need to be that long? Do I need to even have that call anymore? And Can I free up more time to do something else? Or can I use that time because I haven’t been able to, I don’t know, teach my youngest son how to cradle in lacrosse. I’m always trying to do trade-offs, And I think it’s just a constant, cycle of just trying to, make time. there is no finding time when you’re in the middle of

running a company and raising kids.

Kevin Rice (37:43)
Yeah. Well, I I love that you have your your family activities in your calendar too. That might sound obvious to a lot of people. For me, it was not. my calendar was the same, color coded, every minute plan, months in advance, eight a.m ⁓ six PM work hours and then nine to twelve work hours, just fully baked. And then my evenings, the time I did have with my kids or my weekends, I had no plan. There was no forethought

went into it. And I found that I would end up just wasting a lot of time with them. we’d just go through the motions and I’d be like default dad. And, once I started like doing what you’re doing and like actually planning blocks, we don’t have as much like traditional sports. So it’s more of like, okay, we’re going to build Legos for an hour and a half here, or we’re going to go for a hike here. And as I put more intentionality and thought into it, it’d be like, okay, we’re going to go on a hike and

Anthony Valletta (38:09)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Kevin Rice (38:32)
I’m gonna avoid making this a pep talk, but I’m gonna somehow work in a conversation about grit and resilience because I know they’re gonna want to turn around here and we’re gonna have to push a little bit further. that’s when things started to change for me was when I brought the same intentionality from my career into my personal life. where did this idea of resetting your calendar every three months come from? Cause that’s a really interesting thought process that I’d love to hear about.

Anthony Valletta (38:57)
Yeah, you know, it happened on accident to start. I changed jobs in a company and when I changed jobs, who was reporting to me and how much time they needed changed. So I find myself just trying to fit more in. And then I was like, God, I looked at my calendar and I had a great executive coach at the time. And I sent him, I have an Excel sheet, same one. still use, I have every tab going way back with everything on there. And

he goes, this gives me so much anxiety looking at this thing. He’s like, I literally almost got sick to my stomach looking at this. And he’s like, what if this was blank? And just ask questions like what if there was nothing on here? And no one forced you to have a weekly meeting with Kevin on Friday mornings or no one forced you to attend it? what if it was just blank? Yeah, that’s my thing. I’m like, but

Kevin Rice (39:24)
Yeah.

That would give me way more anxiety.

Anthony Valletta (39:45)
And I’m like, sure. And I went to a blank piece of paper. And the first time I came out with almost exactly what was already in the paper before, because my mind couldn’t get out of it. And when I really started thinking, demands of the business change, demands of people change, relationships grow or fade, and life moves so quickly and our industry, restaurants change so quickly, that you have to be more nimble. And when I started to realize, I thought three months was a good cadence, that if anything

is on my calendar permanently, it should belong there for at least three months. If not, then it shouldn’t be on my calendar. And three months was a good tipping point to reassess and just say, hey, Kevin, we had one-on-ones every single week. we have this down pat, we’re finishing early anyways. We’ve got a good cadence. You want to go every other week or just shrink our time in half? Like ask them, right? And then, and we can always make them more time because you’re creating more time on the calendar. But I think I also realized too, getting in the CEO role,

you need time that’s not planned to really think about the business. if everything is just so scheduled, you’re not really taking a step back and thinking about the business and the growth and the potential and what things could be and really problem solving those high level things. And the more I found time to do that, time always gets filled, but I had more time to think about the business and think about how I’m going to grow myself as well. So I just made a practice. my team knows

about every three months, every meeting, it’s like canceling all the emails, like Anthony’s cancel the meeting, cancel the meeting. And then, I rebook back on. I also just think the changing things up is great. Like if I start every Monday morning with Kevin, that’s fine. But at some point it becomes stale no matter how good the call is. But all of a sudden we moved to Friday afternoons and we do it in a happy hour together. Like, oh, now I’m kind of re-energized for this meeting again now. And I think that

Kevin Rice (41:29)
Yeah, yeah.

Anthony Valletta (41:31)
really forces people to show up with really good intent on both sides of the table.

Kevin Rice (41:35)
Yeah, I think sometimes change can feel like momentum and that can feel like, we’re we’re moving forward here, even if it’s just something that’s really novel.

so you mentioned having free time to think, and I think that’s really important. Do you have open space like that in your personal time with your kids? And if so, how do you spend that time with your kids?

Anthony Valletta (41:55)
Um, we have it, but admittedly it’s not intentionally planned and it should be, just because so much of their, weekend calendars look like my weekday calendars. It is that crazy.

So I admittedly don’t do a good job of it. But you’re trying really hard when we have that time to find something to do, could be, put a puzzle together with my kid or going outside and kicking the soccer ball around or whatever it may be. it’s something I’m still working on trying to get better at that part, because I think it is important. Like you said, you find this time, then you all of a sudden like, wow, whole day went by.

I had three free hours with my kids, I don’t know what I did with it. ⁓ And that’s something I’d to be better at as I continue to grow.

Kevin Rice (42:34)
Mm-hmm.

But they need the decompression time too, right? Like if their schedules are busy and they’re going from one sporting activity to another or a friend’s house, they also need some free space to decompress too. So, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. For anybody who’s listening who’s kind of in the middle of it and they’re, ambitious and want to build their career and they’re raising young kids, what would you want to share with them? Maybe something you learned the hard way or just advice or, ideas you picked up along the way.

Anthony Valletta (42:49)
right. Yeah.

Yeah, mean, that’s so hard. I think one is there’s so many people out there that have gone through it and like, ask them for help, whether it’s listening to podcasts like yours, or just getting 15 minutes on the phone with them. I found those 15 minute calls with people that have are at like the phase of life after me, have taught me so much about the phase I’m in now.

I’ve talked to a lot of kids that are in college, it’s hard to remember what it’s like when they have a six-year-old. But when I have a buddy of mine that his kids are two in high school and one is in middle school, the next iteration of me, he remembers life at my stage and he’s giving great advice. So I think find those people and talk to them frequently and take their word for it. But I think to sound a little cliche, time is money.

⁓

I would look at your life as return on time, not just investment. people think about, I got to invest time in the business to get the return there. The one thing we can’t make more of is time. And it’s something that I took for granted for a very long time and still find myself doing that.

the business can always grow at some point in time and as much as you want to accelerate it and hit the gas, your kids are going to grow whether you want them to or not. ⁓ And you never want to miss the opportunity to be a part of that.

Kevin Rice (44:17)
Yeah.

Anthony Valletta (44:21)
Because I think about my parents now and say, oh, the house is so quiet. Like, oh, everybody talking about it’s fine. you’re free. And then you now with kids, I’m like, I understand it now. you don’t you don’t want the quiet, right? You want the chaos as nuts as it is. So like, I just say relish the moment. It’s stressful and chaotic and brutal. And it feels some days like you want to put your head in a pillow and just scream. But like basking the glory, it’s actually some of probably the best days of your life.

Kevin Rice (44:35)
Yeah.

Yeah. I totally agree. I’m not ready for my kids to be eighteen and out of the house. ⁓ dread that day.

Anthony Valletta (44:54)
no chance.

Yeah, I’m with you.

Kevin Rice (44:58)
Yeah. I mean speaking of your kids, you’ve spent your career making guests feel like a priority and special and unique and that the business or the brand is always thinking about them. how do you do the same for your kids? how do you make sure that they always feel like a priority to you despite everything you have going on?

Anthony Valletta (45:17)
Yeah, I mean, it is a challenge and something I need to continue to work on. I try to make the moments really stand out. It’s traditions that we have like every Valentine’s Day, I take my daughter out, my wife takes my sons out. It’s like a routine thing, they know. My daughter just did gymnastics meet, I sent her flowers when she was there, I get her flowers on her birthday. Every night when I put my kids down, we have a different affirmation that we say, it’s just a thing between me and them.

Kevin Rice (45:29)
Yes.

Anthony Valletta (45:42)
They always say the five minutes before a kid goes to bed is one of the most impressionable times of their day and the most open and vulnerable. So have the same series of questions that I ask my kids and then we have an affirmation. And I think those moments are really vital. And my oldest son, the other night, he was going to bed late. I’m like, all right, you gotta go to bed, buddy. It’s late, it’s late. I went to the door and he goes, dad, not until we do our thing, I’m not going to bed.

And I think it’s just those little tiny things are how you create moments. I think the same with my business. Like the restaurant’s not about the one big thing. It’s those little tiny things. You’re like, wow, it was really unexpected. And that really touched me in different way. I think it’s the same with your kids. It’s those little things. And constantly doing them. It’s taking them to get ice cream past their bedtime one night because they’re going to remember that for the next week. It’s just those little tiny things.

I just think being there for them when they need it is the best way I can provide my kids the hospitality I grew up with.

Kevin Rice (46:41)
Dude, that was an amazing answer. you’re doing a great job. well Anthony, I really appreciated having you on the the show today.

Kevin Rice (46:47)
I really enjoyed this conversation. I loved hearing about your family traditions and I love that you give your daughter flowers after a competition. and the affirmation before bed that your son just won’t let you skip. Those are the moments that really add up to a life.

so thank you so much for the honesty about the hard years and showing the rest of us that it’s possible to build something extraordinary at work without losing what matters most at home.

Anthony Valletta (47:10)
Thanks Kevin. Really appreciate it.